Restless

My mind can't rest. It always chases around the past. Why you've been come back and  bothering me again and again? I don't want to visualize our past - seeing that you wore your red top and were watching TV ; seeing you waving me goodbye in front of the coffee shop; seeing us gentely look into each other's eyes. All these went vanish.

I want to stop asking myself why my efforts all went in vain; why you didn't see that how much sacrifice I had done for you. Love is meaningless. Or even the love I had given you shouldn't be called love. It's just a trade-off. I can't get what I want from you and you can't, neither. History repeats itself, including the mistakes. I repeat my own mistakes and wrongly place the so-called love on you even at our very beginning I knew clearly that you were a wrong man for me.

Never never again love someone without realizing who he really is; without reckoning who I am; not give him my heart totally just because of my loneliness. Even knowing so much principle about love, I still ask myself if I really know what love is, or it's just something existed in our head, not in reality anymore. In the end, it's more like the song sung by Foreigner - I want to know what love is. I think I can't search outside the world to get the answer of that question. The only way to get the answer is to keep asking myself, look into the inner of myself. I need to discover myself before I really give my love to someone who is worthy.